You're so Amazing

This is the one I revised and actually sent:

All I want to do is feel better...
I want to be able to clearly see the situation and not freak out so much..
I shouldn't have called because this is something I'm going to have to accomplish alone...

You have to be fed up with my tears and irrational fears...
but still you stay and listen to my same crap..

And Im not stupid...I know that that you could find someone not so crazy..but you choose me and you have no idea how wonderful that feels!

I'm so glad that even through the tough times you still love me...

I'm blessed

not okay...

This originally was e-mail I was going to send to my boyfriend but decided against it.

All i want to do is call you right now...
and I want you to help me feel better and to tell me it's okay..
but you won't me call me...
and if I call I won't get what I'm looking for...

Because...
you're fed up with my tears...
annoyed with my fears..
too busy listen to the same old shit from me...

And I'm not stupid...I know...I know that you wish that I was different that I didn't have to be like that this. And you don't know how much I wish the same...

I wish I could be someone better...someone more together...someone that didn't drive you nuts...

Somedays...i wish I could take back texting you...take back being your girlfriend because then I would know that the only person I"m hurting is myself...and not you...and I would never have to feel the pain of disappointing you again and again when I cry and hate myself...

I hate myself...I hate myself................

Hope

I got a glimpse of hope today
a hand held out pleading with me to grab a hold
this will be my saving grace
what if there is no hope-
but how can that be-
Hope is everywhere
trust me
please?

Loneliness

Loneliness, why do we have to be friends?
I would rather be acquaintances,
when it's solitude I desire.
I wish your shadowless figure
would disappear
So I could be...
well Lonely

My Rock

You love is my rock.
I lean upon it,
I stand upon it,
it beats me up
I wish it could be-
softer

Perhaps a pillow.
To rest upon, cuddly,
and when it's rough
the sting is lessened.
I crave soft and gentle.
Intimacy.
Not dependency.
Is it I who choose?

Fear

Fear
Irrational Fear
I'm spinning crazily
but nothing is moving
who am I?
Does he love me?
Will I become something?
I'm no Queen Elizabeth,
Strength, I do not have...
but love I do...
slipping farther and farther away,
Where's my trust?
Then I remember the crisp blue suit...
And the all too familiar betrayal resurfaces!
Buy my world stopped moving a long time before.
What it caused by the love I lover for most?
Why can't I look to the heavens for peace?
Instead, I'm here...
looking at my feet,
urging to find me peace.

Every Woman

I’m the girl who has been dreaming of her wedding since she learned to talk, who has longed for her prince to come rescue her, who has given her life to someone to have had it crushed in their hands, who has been lied to, cheated on, ignored, and most recently cherished. I’m every woman. Fairy tales are just that: tales. No one gets a happily ever after; they get a lot of good times and trials that test their true character. When they look back on their life, it’s then they realize that life is beautiful. There own story is more powerful than any dream of a prince charming coming to rescue them. No one rescued them from their pitiful life because there was nothing to be rescued from. In every situation lies a meaning, lies a purpose. For every tear we cry, is part of our weaknesses escaping. Every broken promise makes every promise kept more meaningful. For when we do find the one, it’s not the guy filled with empty words with fleeting comfort; it’s the one that has challenged you to become the best you can be. He may not be rich, he may not be suave, he may not be funny, but he improves you and you him. He does not complete you; he emphasizes your best parts. You do not need him, but life is definitely better with him. This is not a fairy tale. It’s a test of strength, character, trust, and happiness. Thank you.