not okay...

This originally was e-mail I was going to send to my boyfriend but decided against it.

All i want to do is call you right now...
and I want you to help me feel better and to tell me it's okay..
but you won't me call me...
and if I call I won't get what I'm looking for...

Because...
you're fed up with my tears...
annoyed with my fears..
too busy listen to the same old shit from me...

And I'm not stupid...I know...I know that you wish that I was different that I didn't have to be like that this. And you don't know how much I wish the same...

I wish I could be someone better...someone more together...someone that didn't drive you nuts...

Somedays...i wish I could take back texting you...take back being your girlfriend because then I would know that the only person I"m hurting is myself...and not you...and I would never have to feel the pain of disappointing you again and again when I cry and hate myself...

I hate myself...I hate myself................